Coffee House Girl,
I am so sorry to hear of the situation you are facing with your father, made even more difficult by the stupid rules and interference of the cult. If you are only faded, no one has the right even from their cult standards to insist your mother shun you. Keep in mind that your mother is under the mind control of a destructive cult. Pity your mother. Unfortunatly you are witnessing the tearing apart of your family first hand. It is made worse for you by having to keep Coffee Shop Guy hidden, thus being denied much needed support in this difficult time for you.
Just before TotallyADD's father passed away two years ago, the family had one last reunion to say their good-byes. Included in the family gathering was a grandson who had been df'd for 20 years. We were all happy to see him and his new wife. We were able to keep this visit off the radar of the local congregation in which TotallyADD and his father were elders at the time.
Before TotallyADD's dad died his mom attended very few meetings and seldom went in field service. But since her husband's death she has become super theocratic. She also has some severe mental and emotional issues which has put a wall between her and us. We have gotten to the place where we cannot deal with her any more. Some in the local congregation are enabling her making it impossible to get her real help. So my plea to you is, please be aware of what may happen once your dad passes.
You say you are an hour away from your mom and dad. We moved a thousand miles away to be able to fade. Much good advice has been given here on how to get through the next few weeks and the impending funeral. Afterwards, make a good life for yourself and Coffee Shop Guy and don't look back.
My deepest sympathies,
Reopened Mind